somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
