I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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