The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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