i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
