I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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