Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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