He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
