I think I am morally bankrupt
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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