I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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