He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
