Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
