Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
it's like heaven, but drunker
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
