Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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