Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
