Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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