FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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