i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
jump out the window naked night went bad
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