Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
