he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
don't judge my taste in strippers
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
