fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
