He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
