whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
