Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
