Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
