I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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