Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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