Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
