I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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