dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
