she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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