and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
