thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
