I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My ass is underappreciated
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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