at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
