I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
