I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
