You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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