ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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