He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I think my moral compass just broke
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
