Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
