They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
