did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
