everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
