nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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