Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
