I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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