I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
