I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You ate ashes out of my bong
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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