from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
