I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
